Correction--because I'm weird like that

The doctor I mentioned in "I should've worn sneakers" is part of the Explorer's Club, not the Adventurer's Club. I know, who cares. No one reads this anyway :)

That whole listening thing

I used to think I was a good listener. Upon realizing that I'm not, I almost convinced myself that I once was and my auditory skills have just recently began to slip. But the sad truth is, I'm a terrible listener and I've been in denial for about 83.3 percent of my life. Well, let me back up a bit. I'm a selective listener and I often select not to. There is an advantage to this (don't you love how I try to make it sound not so bad). On occasion, I catch a snippet of a conversation that I shouldn't be hearing and in an effort not to be a wretched eavesdropper I turn off my ears. Or, when I worked at a fast-food--pardon me, a quick-service restaurant--most of what was discussed was crude, dirty, and just plain mean. I learned very quickly to tune people out. Later, I 'd hear stories of how so and so said such and such and I would honestly have no clue what they were talking about. So hurray, I don't hear what I don't want to. But what if I don't want to hear what I ought to? Nothing good, I know that for sure. I'm one of those people who has to learn the hard way and I desparately wish I wasn't. The same craziness keeps happening  and I find myself saying, "Seriously God? Are you kidding me? Is this some kind of joke? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM MEEE?"  Yes, I do yell and scram and rant and rave and question, question, question. In general, I'm a questioner. Those who know me best can attest to that. Am I doing this the right way. Is there a better way to get it done? Who says? Is that true?  How do you know? Why there? Why tomorrow? Why me? Obviously I never quite made it out of my 2 yr old stage. A healthy curiosity can be a wonderful thing. However, it's not that fabulous when the questions drown out the answers. Kind of defeats the purpose doesn't it. I claim to be questioning God with the intent of getting answers. But maybe, just maybe, answers are not always what I'm after. I need to face the fact that I'm terrified that I won't like the answers He gives me. So I don't listen. I talk and talk and feel all spiritual for coming to God and far too often that's where it ends. I choose not to hear what I don't think I want to. Ridiculously presumptuous of me. I always tell the children I work with to "put on their listening ears" so they don't miss something important. Physician heal thyself, hm. Well, knowledge is power. I am now officially recognizing and taking responsibility for my choice not to listen. Yikes. Do I really want to listen. Heck no! Should I? Yes, yes, yes. Here goes...